I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
