All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
