I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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