I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just google imaged poop.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
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he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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