I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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