wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
