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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
