there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
