i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
