Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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