Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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