haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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