Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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