the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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