Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
