Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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