barbara walters just said penis...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
