dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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