I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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