His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
