I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.