Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.

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  (573): Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it. http://tfl.nu/veic
  Replies (26) Good night (1014) Bad night (587)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again

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  (508): Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again http://tfl.nu/g8s7
  Replies (39) Good night (2911) Bad night (643)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode

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  (321): I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode http://tfl.nu/96an
  Replies (6) Good night (910) Bad night (3179)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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  (337): Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/uobp
  Replies (17) Good night (3758) Bad night (912)
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  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

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  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (110) Good night (33658) Bad night (1380)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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  (214): You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle. http://tfl.nu/y634
  Replies (14) Good night (4274) Bad night (1181)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.

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  (252): This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero. http://tfl.nu/82jq
  Replies (16) Good night (7319) Bad night (1024)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.

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  (484): I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case. http://tfl.nu/welv
  Replies (13) Good night (3218) Bad night (1059)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  she could've warned me his penis was curved

  (708): View more from Illinois

  ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.

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  (630): she could've warned me his penis was curved (708): ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/vp5d
  Replies (14) Good night (1699) Bad night (4687)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.

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  (765): So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30. http://tfl.nu/7nzj
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (589)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.

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  (316): You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel. http://tfl.nu/ugfj
  Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (701)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up

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  (720): This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up http://tfl.nu/dnma
  Replies (1) Good night (248) Bad night (465)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"

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  (248): I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring" http://tfl.nu/0ibn
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (271)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.

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  (989): I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters. http://tfl.nu/zgo1
  Replies (10) Good night (851) Bad night (220)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex

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  (501): When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex http://tfl.nu/o12p
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (197)

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