I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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