Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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