theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.