my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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