things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
