TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
