I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
