I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize