i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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