sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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