tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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