Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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