ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
