good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
