I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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