please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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