how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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