Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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