It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
