did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need moral support for this bender
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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