my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
