I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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