I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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