He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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