Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
