I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
