chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
