My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
