can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
