I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
