i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You ruined the universe
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
