I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
