I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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