you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
