ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
