The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
