if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
