I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
