I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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