I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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