By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
