so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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