he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
