It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
