I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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