I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
